my blonde logic

Holiday Fashions, Always Interesting

There is something mesmerizing about observing  holiday traffic.  Puffy coats and Uggs galore dot the canvas of mom jeans and mustaches.  Not Zac and I were in Grand Central meeting Boris and Natasha for drinks.  Grand Central is amazing, the light show starts tomorrow, definitely a sight to see.

Grand Central is a people watching mecca, there are representatives from all walks of life making their way through this historical landmark.  Some of my favorite sightings are those of the backward backpack tribe. The exact origin of the species is unknown. The species is indigenous to "out of town", a group of people that all decided to wear their backpacks across their chests. It is thought that this must be their defense against the evils of the big city. 

We are enjoying our glasses of wine amongst the continuous ever changing people, we even see a couple taking wedding photos, I thought second marriage.  I  spot what I clearly identify as a member of the tourist species.  This male member had decided that a great place to put his baseball hat was inside his pants.  If I recall correctly a baseball cap is worn on the head, putting into the back of your pants seems mildly unsanitary.  Really, your only option was to put your hat was in your underwear?  His parental unit was carrying one of those Mary Poppins bags, shouldn't she help out. At some point this person from a random place will put that hat back on his head, good stuff. Please don't sit "tushy hat" next to me!

I think that the level of common sense seems to depreciate as the holidays approach.  Only 24 days 'til X-Mas, yippee. 

Why Go Homemade on Turkey Day?

Everyone I know is scurrying around trying to locate that oh so special season spice, strange vegetable or perfect napkin.  I have heard the phrase pumpkin spice used more in one week than in a lifetime.  I have no idea what or how you use it, apparently it is a necessary Thanksgiving ingredient. 

As I stood in the cinnamon scented William Sonoma once again, an apron clad happy face approaches me very carefully as if she sensed my trepedation.  I question apron lady about the cranberry sauce, it has apple and orange, she said its great.   I don't even know how you begin to make this, I have memories of the cylindrical shaped jello like substance that had the can formed into it.  It is a place I don't want to revisit except in my memory.  By the way, I also noticed the infamous turkey brine.  Did anyone bother to mention there are 3 different kinds and require you to start 48 hours in advance.  That would have been a very unwelcome surprise, today (Wednesday). 

It is the only holiday that we all share together.  Most people I know refuse to go off island on Thanksgiving.  For us the declaration came a few years ago after a 3 hour drive to New Jersey.  Never again.  Where are you going or who are you having.  Everyone covered, all is well in the universe.  After my "bird" preparation was ripped from my capable hands, thank you very much.  I have shifted my focus to side dishes.  I have once again been practicing them for weeks, I'm ready. 

Ready, not so much.  In the past week my drying machine broke, I have laundry everywhere.  My shower doors fell off, there are towels and water all over my bathroom.  Thing 2 spilled orange Gatorade on the carpet and covered it with a table, now it is really set in yippee! This is not the time to start home improvements.

I also realized with all of my roasting practice I forgot to include, stuffing and potatoes.  Whole Foods her I come.  I tackle Whole Foods like a pro, the recycled bag carrying patrons won't slow me down.  I know I am on borrowed time since I can only handle the chaos of being organic and green for so long.  I still don't understand the $8 peach.  Goal achieved, with only a minor headache, nothing a cookie tasting won't cure.

As I prepare for my In-Laws arrival, at 8:00 am, I hope I don't forget the cranberry sauce.

Have a great holiday, may the force be with you.

Is Facebook High School All Over Again?

Do we ever leave High School?  I think not.  Will they or won't they be my "friend"?  Something everyone in High School has thought at least once.  Now its out there on the World Wide Web, talk about grand scale rejection.

A friend of mine kept telling me to go on Facebook, you can get in touch with all of your old high school friends.  Well, curiosity got the best of me.  No one bothered to mention how addicting it would become.  I mean really, who doesn't want to check up and see what their exes or  frienemies look like.  Then suddenly, there they are right in front of you. It's a guilty pleasure that can be done without any evidence or calories. You can just investigate and no one will be the wiser.  This is way better than googling people, more efficient.

So many decisions.  What information do I put up?  What have I been up to for the past 20 years?  Where do I begin, how do you edit 2 decades into 2 lines?  20 years, I am now referring to that period of time as venti.  Its seems way more interesting, obviously Starbucks agrees.

Which pictures do I use?  I still only have an avatar of myself, I can't seem to commit to a specific moment.  The phrase "a picture says a thousand words", has never been more true.  It's my slightly obsessive compulsive nature that makes this decision so difficult.  It's the same pressure that plagues me when designing my holiday cards.  I try not to over think it, to no avail. 

Since it has been venti years it is not about what you do, rather how well your pieces of parts have held together.  The girls as a whole have faired much better than the boys, no offense. Women should be rewarded for the extreme lengths we go through for even basic maintenance.

It is really great to reconnect with people that you have lost touch with, even if it is a quick hello.  Although, if I see one more class picture from Junior High, I may never leave the house.  Is it possible to have actually spent time trying to achieve such a look.  I know I was the eighties, but jeez Louise it wasn't pretty.  I would have posted my yearbook picture except I couldn't fit my hair into the allotted space.

Use it or Lose it!!!!!!

I would be amiss if I didn't share with you the following information.

It seems there are lots of stores that are closing due to the "recession" and the fact that people are not shopping as usual. If you have any "gift cards" from these stores, make sure you use them, or you will lose them!  Watch those store money cards and gift cards.. and credit slips!

Stores that informed the Security Exchange of closing plans between October 2008 and January 2009.

Circuit City stores... most recent (? how many)
Ann Taylor- 117 stores nationwide are to be shuttered
Lane Bryant, Fashion Bug and Catherine's to close 150 store nationwide
Eddie Bauer to close stores 27 stores and more after January
Cache will close all stores
Talbot's closing down all stores
J. Jill closing all stores
GAP closing 85 stores
Footlocker closing 140 stores more to close after January
Wickes Furniture closing down
Levitz closing down remaining stores
Bombay closing remaining stores
Zales closing down 82 stores and 105 after January.
Whitehall closing all stores
Piercing Pagoda closing all stores
Disney closing 98 stores and will close more after January.
Home Depot closing 15 stores 1 in NJ ( New Brunswick )
Macy's to close 9 stores after January
Linens and Things closing all stores
Movie Galley Closing all stores
Pacific Sunware closing stores
Pep Boys Closing 33 stores
Sprint/ Nextel closing 133 stores
JC Penney closing a number of stores after January
Ethan Allen closing down 12 stores.
Wilson Leather closing down all stores
Sharper Image closing down all stores
K B Toys closing 356 stores
Loews to close down some stores
Dillard's to close some stores.

Go forward and shop wisely.

e.l.f. cosmetics, the Ultimate in Recessionista shopping

It doesn't get any better.  This is the answer to the holiday shopping woes.  Put away all of your homemade preserves, ugly crochet tissue box covers, and bags of crap. 
The is the ultimate Recessionista solution.  e.l.f., eyes lips face, has cosmetics and accessories priced the way they should be.  Cosmetics and brushes for just $1, no way.  There is an entire line of eyebrow lifters and fillers, each $3.  I myself have gotten sucked into the Anushka eyebrow kit for a mere $50, $3 looks a lot better literally and figuratively. 

I didn't believe any of it, until a friend couldn't stop raving.  I don't always believe magazines and Oprah, I believe my people.  5 lip glosses for $5, what a great gift!  There are always specials, definitely check in regularly.  The makeup cases are so cute you can use them to go out to dinner.  I've already placed my order, but I'm not telling it would ruin the surprise.  By the way, in case you were wondering, I love lip gloss and could use a new makeup case. 

You don't have to worry about size or shapes, there is something for everyone.  It sure as hell beats homemade salad dressing. 

Recessionista, The New Fabulous

The big topic of conversation, wherever you go is the recession.  Everywhere you look there are suggestions on how to save during these financially challenging times.
I'm with ya.  I love my Anya Hindmarch, for Target bag.  My bag is peeling a smidge, I can make do.  There are tips for the holidays for everyone to save, save, save! 

One article in the Post compared 2 versions of a holiday dinner, to sum it up, its cheaper to make your own pie than to buy one.  Let's see, I may have saved $10 on the pie, but it took me three hours to make the homemade crust, peel a gazillion apples, and clean up the whole mess.   From my own personal pie experience, it's not as economical as they say.  If you make pies on a weekly basis then they are right.  If you make a pie a year then you are so in the "pie" hole.  What they didn't focus on was the tiny detail of making every single thing from scratch requires that you start cooking the day after Halloween.  The do it yourself cooking thing just sucks the life out of me.  If you are so concerned that the pie will blow your budget, assign it to a guest, problem solved.

The next article focused on gifts.  My favorite suggestion was, make your gifts.  Everyone loves a homemade preserve or salad dressing.  Really, I can only imagine if I started handing out good seasons salad dressing, with the coordinating carafe.  Nothing says happy holidays like homemade condiments.  This isn't little house on the prairie and Mrs. Ingel doesn't live next door.  I was thinking I should start growing fruit in my bathtub, so I can get a jump start on my preserves for next year.

Maybe, I can re gift the god awful pastel swirly bowl that I got for my bridal shower.  Unfortunately the only person I can think of to give it to, gave it to me.  Back to the drawing board. 

Back to "Turkey" Day

Apparently my attempt at cooking a bird like item has had a bit of a ripple affect.  Ideas and offers for tutorials have come flooding in. 

The first suggestion was a turkey bag, not exactly sure how that works.  Apparently, there is this magical bag that to me looks like a giant ziploc. You shove your turkey into a (not yet taxed) plastic bag and wha lah, perfecto.  I didn't have much faith in the bag, it doesn't mention seasonings, or some random rubbing thing, it tells you to put flour in the bag.  Ok, you put flour in the bag.  Does it go in the turkey, on the turkey, or around the turkey.  Way too many gray areas, and the picture is a cartoon.
Next suggestion was to brine the turkey.  No idea what that means or entails.  Apparently this is where the tutorial comes in.  This procedure involves a trip to the ever faithful and thoroughly intimidating, William Sonoma.  My last attempt that involved William Sonoma nearly poisoned the family.
Another suggestion was from my mother, she told me to order a turkey from the caterer.  Normally this would be my automatic go to.  I figured that since the entire country makes a turkey, or at least millions of people do, why can't I.

A few days after the bacon turkey incident, Not Zac and I are out to dinner.  We are at our local restaurant, Sharz.  She usually caters a part of all our holidays and dinner parties.  Not Zac proceeds to tell her that I wanted to make a chicken instead of a turkey.  He tells her this as if I have committed a mortal sin.  Excuse me, since when is the actual type of bird so important?  Do we only give thanks in front of a turkey, are we not as thankful in front of a chicken?  Is the sacrifice of one living creature over another not significant?  He then asks her to make a turkey for us.  Ok, thanks a lot.  There is no appreciation for my hard work or research.  What happened to, you get what you get and you don't get upset?  That tried and true statement has turned into, I get what I want.

As it stands now, our turkey is ordered and set to arrive early Thursday morning.  The powers that be can rest easy knowing that we will make our contribution to the turkey sacrifice.  All hail the turkey farmers!

Adventures in Babysitting, Episode 1

The back story on this is my babysitter of 5 years Rosie, left to have a baby.  That's fair. This has hit the family pretty hard.
Yesterday was our first day with the new babysitter, Rosie's niece.  Part of my naive self, or just not wanting to face reality, assumed that Rosie's niece should be like her.  In 5 years Rosie has learned everyone's quirks, like Not Zac and his obsession with his days of the week socks.  Thing 1 and his favorite chicken, no matter how hard I try hers is always better.  Thing 2, just dealing with her in general.  For me she was my right hand in the twilight zone.  These are big shoes to fill. 
Basically I threw Rosie's niece into the lions den, unarmed and naked.  I briefed Thing 1 and Thing 2 about the importance of being nice to her and listening to her.  Silly me I forgot to tell them not to completely manipulate her.
I come home after Thing 2 and the babysitter.  Thing 2 announces that they went to the supermarket, OK.  Thing 2 rattles off the list they purchased;  hot pink carnations, cheese doodles, vanilla ice cream, ice pops, and buttered popcorn.  Are you serious!  Basically Thing 2 conned the babysitter into purchasing everything that she knows I would never purchase.  I think Thing 2 was even surprised at herself for pulling off such a coupe.  I add to my mental list that this can't happen again.  

I have an event at school so not only is this her first day, I am throwing her out of the nest.  Will she fly or smash to the ground?  Did I mention that she doesn't speak much English, and my Spanish just sucks.  I appoint Thing 1, the 8 year old, to be the communicator.  As you can imagine this probably isn't a fool proof plan, it is what it is.  

I'm leaving the apartment, I ask Thing 2 if she would like to press the elevator button, a treat for all apartment dwelling children.  She tells me that she wants to show me something first.  I ask her what it is, I don't want to be late.  She is resistant to tell me.  I explain to her that I don't have time for this, just tell me.  She finally bursts out; "I want to show you what I drew on the babysitter."  My response is; "WHAT! you can't draw on the babysitter."  Thing 2 tells me its ok, the babysitter doesn't mind.  Oh My God!  This isn't good, the babysitter just let Thing 2 draw on her.  It didn't or wouldn't cross my mind to tell the kids not to draw on the babysitter.  Another addition to the mental list that this can't happen again.

I get a phone call at 8:00 from the babysitter.  Should they take showers?  Yes, and they have to go straight to bed.  I get home at 10:00.  Guess what?  They are still up, crap.  Oh boy, we are in trouble now.  Another addition to the mental list that this can't happen again.

The kids were alive so things aren't so bad.  This morning before I wake up the kids, which of course will be pleasant since they have had 2 hours of sleep, I go to check my emails.  When I turn on my computer I am greeted by Spongebob.  Did I mention that Thing 1 isn't allowed to use the computer during the week, and he is never supposed to use my computer.  Thing 2 isn't as slick as Thing 1, his manipulation of the babysitter was more on the sly, not obvious to the naked eye.  

I ask the kids what they thought of her.  They loved her, she was great.  What a surprise.  What's not to love?   She let them;  eat lots of crap, draw on her, play on the computer, stay up and watch TV until 10:00.

Note to self, write down mental list of things that can't happen again, and have the kids Spanish teacher translate it.

Stayed tuned for our next episode of Adventures in Babysitting.

Happy "Chicken" Day

I would like to dedicate this to my wild turkey friend from Central Park.

Thanksgiving is closing in at lightning speed.  I am very aware because I found myself face to face with the Holiday department in Bloomingdale's.  Everywhere I look, Halloween witches have turned into Santa's and their sleighs.  I have even seen the Chanukah shelves come to life. 
Now have have to get my Thanksgiving game on.  There is one little problem, I have never made or even purchased a turkey.  I make an executive decision, chicken.  It's like a turkey just smaller, isn't it?  Have I mentioned that I have only made a whole chicken once, and my mother helped.  If nothing else I don't have to wake up at 5:00 am to start cooking the thing. 

My in-laws are coming for the holiday.  I have cooked for them a few times and haven't had the best success.  I actually feel really bad, they do put on a brave face.  I think they probably pray that we are going to order pizza when they visit.  They are very gracious even though I may have bordered on the uneatable a few times.  This time will be different, I will succeed!

First thing, which chicken recipe do I use?  In the William Sonoma catalog there is a recipe for a bacon wrapped roasted chicken.  As Ted Allen says; "anything wrapped in bacon is better".  I agree.  Bacon wrapped chicken it is.

I have my chicken, I am ready to go for a practice run.  I follow the recipe exactly, I wrap the bacon around the sacrificed bird, just like the stylist did.  Did I mention that touching the whole chicken makes me gag.  In the oven the bird goes, fingers crossed. 

I am about 50 minutes into project chicken, the fire alarm goes off.  This is a pretty regular occurrence when I use the oven.  No fire, just lots of smoke.  Now the entire apartment is going to stink for days, yippee.

The thermometer says that the chicken is done.  Fabulous, game on.  I start to carve the chicken, something doesn't quite look right.  Is it done?  The thermometer said so, it must be true, why would it lie.  Well folks, part of it was, part of it wasn't.  I'm so used to overcooking chicken that I initially thought this is what it should look like.

Thank god I did a trial run.  It didn't look like the picture and it didn't have the yummy bacon taste, at least the cooked pieces didn't.   Back to the drawing board, hopefully no one got salmonella poisoning.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.  Maybe I should leave the game farm and look in the meat department.  What's the worst that could happen?  If its undercooked I'll throw some melon on the plate and call it carpaccio.  People pay a lot of money for uncooked meat, this is probably safer for all those concerned. 

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle, at What Price?

This plastic bag thing is getting a little crazy.  Now Bloomberg wants to tax plastic bags, $.05 per bag.  I understand and support the whole anti-plastic, to a degree.  I go to the supermarket at least twice a week and walk out with at least 6 bundles.  Am I now supposed to walk around carrying 10 canvas bags on the chance that I might be able to get some shopping done.  Better yet, I should walk around with the giant blue Ikea bag.  How much more stuff do I have to schlep? 

What about the eggs and the chicken?  I am going to be taxed on trying to overt a disaster that is usually the fault of the nincompoop that packs the canned goods on top of the eggs?  Should me dear family be subject to salmonella because some chicken juice has oozed its way into their Goldfish? 

What about the plastic bag that then becomes my garbage bag.  If I now have to buy additional garbage bags, that kind of defeats the purpose.  Should I  have garbage sitting soggy in my recycled paper bag on the floor and throw it down the incinerator loosey goosey for it to make my building smell, and get vermin and bugs.  What about the dog poop?  If you ask me to go paper on that one, you have got to be out of your mind. 

I agree that Duane Reade does not need to give you a minuscule plastic bag for a pack of gum.  How do you propose one transports 8 wiffle bats home?  We walk everywhere here, I just can't throw things in the back of my minivan, give me a break.  What about the plastic bag you get on a rainy day so the floors don't get wet?  I don't think you want to be the one that wipes out in the cosmetics department of Bloomingdale's.  Plastic has it's place.

Should we do our best to reduce the use of plastic, yes.  Anya Hindmarch has made it a fashion statement.